At the moment, Im in the last phase of college: The one with all the tests. Yesterday was my last oral examination – 60 minutes – two professors. First one I passed, second one I didnt. A mix of questions which had nothing to do with the preparation I did (which was approved by my examiner), a rising uncertainity and desperation plus more and more black blanks in my brain were my downfall. But most of the time I was completly paralized over questions that I havent touched within my college years. Which are in fact  the subject of other disciplines. In the end, because of the addition of both marks, I passed the test in a whole. Barely.

First thought: “Shit, you wont get a job!” (something has to be wrong with the world when thats the first question that pops into your head)

It’s hard to describe the feeling after such a situation. After weeks of learning, a head that felt at the edge of exploding you suddenly get such a result. And a feeling of being a failure alongside a paralization. Feeling like you are standing beside yourself. I could scream and cry (in fact I did).

So now Im picking up the pieces, trying not to get pulled down too much and am gratefull about my friends. I try to think more positive, that it was just a test, and that I passed after all. And that there are still the 3 writing exams at the beginning of march, which are also affecting my end-grade. On the other hand I’m astonished what an impact such an experience can have on a person.


~ by recklessraccoon on January 20, 2012.

2 Responses to “Failed”

  1. Aww poor baby, in college and those nasty professors make the tests so hard…. Boo Hoo.

    • You are right.

      The whole article sounds whiny.

      See, situation is: I worked hard the last months for the finals and I failed. I didnt expect to fail that bad + they were quite important jobwise. I wanted to write about it, so I could feel a bit better.

      So, now Im gonna shut up and get back to my desk.

      oh, and by the way, the questions werent so hard, but from different scientific fields, which totally threw me off track. Or do you expect in a test about geography a question about when the first freezers were invented?


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